


The Blind Eyes of Newt Scamander

by BeaSox



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Harry Potter References, Hurt Newt Scamander, Movie 1: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 17:40:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13439880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeaSox/pseuds/BeaSox
Summary: Newt loses his sight after being attacked while protecting Tina. He struggles with coping with his loss and his new world of pain and darkness while Tina worries about him.





	The Blind Eyes of Newt Scamander

A blinding light was the last thing Newt saw, really saw. The events that transpired after the flash were a hazy blur, almost as if he'd drifted into an involuntary sleep that came over him instantly after the light hit with such relentless force. He was informed after at the hospital that he'd slipped into a state of unconsciousness, a result of the spell that he'd been shot with. Tina had promptly taken him here, a frazzled mess, screaming for immediate help for him. She had approached some shady guy after work in an alleyway, who attacked her. Newt had been right behind Tina and had rushed to her aid only to be struck down.  
  
He'd been shot with a spell directly into the face, the sharp numbness that spread to his entire body. His face was the main area affected, his doctor explaining this to be because of the perfect shot. More specifically, his eyes.  
  
He woke up two days later, dazed in utter confusion. He felt gauze over his eyes, his vision taken over by a greedy, black nothingness. He relaxed for a moment, he could see once they took the gauze off, of course. A nurse noticed him, and called in a doctor who authorized the removal of the gauze. He was warned beforehand to not freak out, but he never expected for the empty darkness to stay behind even as the gauze was removed. His heart beat increased at the words that he knew was coming as he struggled to force himself to see anything, anything at all as he scanned the room. He turned his head this way and that, but only saw the same.  
  
Blind. He couldn't see. He would never be able to see again. He couldn't hear the rest of the doctor's speech on how everything would be 'okay' or how he was lucky to be alive. He didn't feel the luck that he described, instead felt sick to his stomach. He wanted to see Tina. He needed her.  
  
He was allowed visitors a week before he was sent back home, after grueling sessions with specialists that helped the newly visually impaired. He learned how to heighten his remaining four senses; feeling his surroundings and using his knowledge of them to prevent crashing into anything. He wasn't very successful, the feeling of walking about while wearing a permanent blindfold felt uncomfortable and foreign. Tina was the only one who came, not wanting to risk overwhelming him with a crowd of three if Queenie and Jacob had accompanied her.

She timidly stepped into the room, and didn't know what to expect as she stared at the man who sat motionless and listened. He seemed to stare at her, his gaze glazed over and eery. She walked over to his bedside and his head followed her movement, but his eyes did not. They stared right through her, seeing into her soul and judging her. 

"Newt, it's me."

"Tina," he choked on his raw emotion that he'd kept buried deep as he awaited her arrival. "Come closer."

She was torn at seeing him so vunerable and broken, her having to make her presence known before stepping into the room or simply talking. He would often jump at the sound of someone's voice without a knock on his door first, still getting used to having to rely on his hearing for that part.   
  
Maintaining a conversation was a tiresome task, that drained Tina emotionally. His eyes were open, trembling when he talked in a shaky manner. His focus always was on the ceiling, sometimes shifting up and down unexpectedly. It was hard to look at him, knowing that he couldn't see her. That he could never see her, or anything ever again. She knew that he was unaware of how different his eyes looked, but she didn't want to make him self concious by staring. She wasn't quite sure if he would notice if she was, if he could feel something when someone looked at him.

  
"What are you looking foward to doing once you get back?" Tina asked him on his last day staying in his cramped hospital room, rubbing her thumb softly against his hand to comfort him. She could tell that him having this form of connection between him and her made him less tense, and she tried to touch him every chance that she got.  
  
He wasn't sure how to respond, a part of hin wanting to list a long list of things that he could no longer do, and dreaded going back home to be faced with them. "I want to see----I m-mean, care for my creatures." He found that he couldn't even use common phrases that came naturally to him anymore without reminding him of what had happened. He wasn't excited to leap back into his 'normal' routine life, knowing that a simple task would now serve as a complex chore for him. How would he tend to his beasts without seeing them? He could go by touch, of course, but it just wouldn't be the same. He didn't get a wink of sleep his last night, but it didn't matter much anyways. Either way he could only see darkness.  
  
Tina and Newt entered the Goldstein apartment and the chatter in the room instantly subsided to silence at their arrival. Newt knew that he must look funny, Tina guiding his every move as he swayed slightly with each unknown step.  
  
He was whisked by Queenie into a chair, offering her arm to replace her sisters to help him lower himself down. He felt useless and like a complete fool, he couldn't do anything on his own. Not even sit in a chair. He heard Queenie prepare a meal with her wand skillfully, objects slicing through the air gracefully over the dining table. His hearing was heightened at the slightest by now, making up for his loss of sight. He could also smell a tad better, and he tried to make out what Queenie was making with no avail. He could only smell a faint whiff of apples and bread.  
  
"Why do his eyes do that? Like scan the room and stuff, he can't see anything right?" Jacob whispered, taking out a stack of dinner plates from their rack.  
  
"It's just a habit, I believe. He doesn't know that he's doing it," Tina informed him, giving her sister a stern look to prove that this was to be information for her as well. "Don't say anything about it, I mean it. He already hates himself enough as it is."  
  
They set the table, a fresh apple tart set in the center, paired with glasses of milk and a grilled chicken noddle casserole. Everyone stopped once they were seated to observe Newt, who didn't realize that all of the attention was on him. He felt the table until he located his fork, moving it along his plate to attempt to pick up anything he could feel with it. Slippery noodles slid off his fork, his eyes twitching as his focus switched  downwards.  
  
"Can he eat?" Queenie whispered in question.  
  
"Yes, he can, Queenie. He just needs a bit of time, that's all."  
  
"I-I'm not deaf, you know? I can hear you talking about me," Newt snapped suddenly, setting his fork down gently. "I may not be able to tell where you guys are sitting or what everything looks like, but I can hear. I can do things on my own." He didn't want to make a scene or behave immature, but he felt anger and bitterness boil inside of him. He wanted to scream, to punch something. He was angry, at the world, at himself for not being able to prevent this, at everything. The past few weeks had felt like a dream; rather, a nightmare. Nonetheless, he would wake up and all would be well again. But he couldn’t wake up from this nightmare.   
  
"We're sorry, honey. We didn't mean to upset you none, really. We just want you to ask for help if you need it," Queenie was the first to recover, and he tried to imagine her golden curls and lipstick as he recognized her voice.  
  
"No, it's okay. Sorry," he assured her lightly, trying to pick up the contents on his plate once more. Tina forced a casual conversation with Jacob on his skyrocketing bakery sales, but Newt still felt their gazes on him. His hands trembled at their close attention, the fork slipping out of his grasp and slamming to the floor. "I-I'm sorry," he whispered in defeat, desperately wanting to be alone for now.  
  
"Don't apologize, it's not your fault," Tina was sitting in the seat closest to him on his right, her voice calming his nerves as he tried to stop his shaking hands. She got up to retrieve a new fork for him, and he felt nauseous at the thought of eating with everyone's working eyes on him at all times. Tina noticed this, placing her hand on his shoulder softly.  
  
"You're probably tired. You should get some rest."  
  
"I w-want.."  
"Hm?"  
"I want to see my creatures."  
  
Tina helped him climb down the ladder, still holding onto his arm even as his feet hit the ground. He expected to feel something---anything---but he still saw nothing as Tina led him around and told him where he was in each section. He'd hoped that being in the place that he'd felt the safest and the one place that always made him happy wouldn't feel as empty as the rest of the world. He couldn't see Pickett on the Bowtruckle tree, but he could differentiate his titter from the others.

The roar of a Nundu cub made him jump, the shock of such a loud noise without being able to see the source was suddenly terrifying. He felt vunerable,  unaware of anything going on around him as Tina helped him hobble back to his shed. Queenie and Jacob were down here, there chatter stopping as they saw the other couple enter.  
  
"I can't see anything."  
  
"I know, baby. I'm so sorry. We can all pitch in and assist you to tend to them, Queenie, Jacob, and I. We care about you, Newt."  
  
"That won't change anything, I still won't be able to see."  
  
"It'll be okay, I promise..."  
"No, it won't! Nothing will ever be the same, I've worked so hard on everything that I've built in here, and now I can't even see it! I-I've tried so hard...and I'm failing now, I a-am. I've failed all of them in there, I can't even care for them on my own! This is my life's work, Tina, and now everything is gone! I h-have no purpose to even go on anymore!"  
  
Tina was quiet for a moment, unsure how to comfort him when he was upset. Newt never got upset, about anything. She could tell that sometimes he was distant, but he never snapped at anyone or looked so close to breaking before.  
  
"Yes, you do. You may not be able to see it, but the special place that you've worked so hard to create for those beasts is still there. They still love you. You still have a reason to go on, okay? You also have me, and I still love you with all of my heart. That will never change."  
  
"I can't live like this, Tina. It's too much."  
  
"Hey, Newt. You'll get more used to it as time goes on," Jacob offered.  
  
"That's easy for you to say, you're not the one who's blind."  
  
"Newt---" Tina reached out, grabbing his arm to stop him from trying to leave.  
  
"D-Don't touch me! Everyone, just stop it! I don't need help every five seconds. Leave me alone."  
  
"Newt, please don't do this. Things may seem like they'll never get better, but you're lucky to even have survived. The doctor said that it was a miracle, things could be worse."  
  
"Well, I don't feel lucky. I wish that I didn't have to wake up to darkness and have everyone's pathetic pity! If I had known that I would wake up in hell, I wouln't have woken up. I wish that I was dead!"  
~  
  
Newt didn't feel good. He felt awful for treating everyone so terribly, and he bit his lip to keep his tears at bay. He wanted this day to be over. He wanted it all to be over. He allowed Tina to lead him to the spare bedroom, and he layed still long enough for her to believe that he was asleep. He heard them whispering about him through the thin walls.  
"I wish there was a way that we could change the outcome of all of this, he doesn't deserve to to happen to him. I feel so bad for him," Queenie said, her voice choked and strained. It sounded like she was sobbing, and Newt could imagine her dabbing her eyes on a handkerchief.   
  
"I just want to hug the poor guy. He's suffering so much, it hurts to see," Jacob sighed inwardly.  
  
"We should be more discrete when we discuss his vision, I don't want him to get upset again. We should give him a bit more space, but be there for him to feel comfortable enough to come to us for help or to have a shoulder to cry on." Tina lowered her voice below a whisper. "He may try to hurt himself if it gets too much. We need to be here for him right now, but try not to suffocate him."  
  
Newt fell asleep with their voices drifting in and out of the air. He awoke about an hours later, in a cold sweat. He'd had another nightmare, of getting lost and not being able to find his way back to Tina, lost in the dark forever. He felt his way out of the bedroom, grazing his hand along the wall as he approached the kitchen. He heard shuffling and felt someone's presence in the kitchen and leaned against the wall. "Tina? Is that you?"  
  
"Yes, It's me. Are you alright?"  
  
"Yes. Who else is there? Queenie?"  
  
"I'm here," came Queenie's calming voice, flowing through the air like syrup. "You hungry, honey?"  
  
"No, thank you. I think that I want to take a shower."  
  
"I'll run the water for you," Tina slid her arm through his, guiding him to the bathroom. She ran the hot water, checking the temperature with her hand. "I'll be just outside, okay?"  
  
  
"I need help," he whispered, his head was turned down in embarrassment and she imagined him avoiding her eyes. Everything was easier in the hospital with nurses to help him around, wearing a flimsy hospital gown that was easy for him to undo to bathe. He was now fumbling to struggle through dozens of buttons on his dress shirt, undoing his belt buckle another impossible task that he dreaded in its entirety.   
  
"I'll help you whenever you need it, okay? Don't be afraid to ask." She took in his flushed face, unbuttoning the last button on his shirt.   
  
"Tina."  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Stay."  
  
She pressed her back against the bathroom wall, seperated from him by a shower curtain. She feared that he would slip and fall, but he seemed to know what he was doing. She talked to him in a tone that he's heard her use on his beasts. It was almost motherly, and he liked the change from the defeaning quiet.   
  
~  
"Good morning," Queenie chirped in a cheerful manner as Newt felt his way to the dining room table. "Tina's gonna be a bit late to breakfast, she's out."   
  
"Out?"  
  
He heard the door swing open, the sound of her familiar click clack of her shoes ringing in his ears. "Hey, Newt. I got you something."  
  
Newt could hear the careful smile on her lips through her voice as she slid something over his eyes. They were glasses, and Newt reached up to touch them. Thery were clunky on his face, but he knew that they weren't designed to be stylish.   
  
"To protect your eyes from the harsh sunlight when you go outside. We should go out today to get some fresh air. You've been cooped indoors for a while now."  
  
"Thank you, that sounds okay."  
  
Being outside was a bigger deal than it had to be, living in the crowded city added another element of anxiety for him. He imagined everyone packed like sardines on the cobblestone, him wearing blacked out glasses and jabbing a stick in front of him. He wanted to see what he looked like, but he couldn't even do that. He only used a walking stick when he was in a bigger environment, and it made him feel weird. Walking around places that he'd passed by millions of time seemed different and intimidating. He found himself to be terrified a lot recently, being unable to analyze his surroundings wearing down his mind at what may be going on around him without his knowledge.   
  
"We can go to Jacob's bakery, he's there now, he finished the expansion while he was in the hospital. He has tables,"  
Tina said beside him, her arm linked firmly inside of his. He felt almost safe by her warmth, the feeling dissolving as they enetered the bakery, overwhelming voices drowning out his positive thoughts.  
  
"Sit here." He heard her pull out a chair over the ruckus, and he sat as she went up to the counter. He felt a presence across from him a moment later, and tried to ignore it but failed miserably.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Ah, it's just me, Jacob."  
  
"Oh. Am I taking a seat from a customer?"  
  
"No, no. I mean, you deserve to sit more than anyone else in here..." he cleared his throat. "I like your glasses. Are they new?"  
  
"Yes. They block out sunlight to avoid further damaging my eyes. You also don't have to look at my eyes anymore."  
  
"Newt, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked Tina about them while you were in the room, they just look..."  
  
"Describe them to me."  
  
"I guess kind of cold and dead. Like you're a walking corpse. I only don't really like seeing you this way isn't because you look scary or something, I just care about you. You look like you're in constant pain."  
  
"Well, you wouldn't be wrong. I've forgotten what I look like, I can't imagine being able to look in a mirror and see myself staring back. I already feel like my whole world has been replaced by this bland, horrible one in a matter of weeks," he took of the glasses, realizing how out of place he must look.  
  
Jacob was quiet, and Newt didn't know what to say, eye contact had never been his strongest suit but not being to see someone's emotion entirely was one of the worst parts.  
  
"I'm sorry, Newt. I wouldn't understand."  
  
"I know. I'm sorry I just needed to vent to someone."  
  
"I'm here for you, but maybe you should talk to Tina. She's worried about you, especially after the outbursts you've been having. It's just not like you, to snap at people like that."  
  
"I'm not a child, I can do some things on my own."  
  
"But you can't do others. You need her help."  
  
"It's embarrassing needing her to guide me about and help me dress, I don't want to live my life like this. I'm pathetic. Utterly a waste of life," Newt felt a weight be lifted off his shoulders at admitting this, and letting out his feelings after a pointedly long week.  
  
"Don't say things like that, you're not a waste of life at all. None of this is your fault..you'll get better. Everything will get better."  
  
"I hope so," Newt sighed, the back of the chair having some sort of intricate design on it that dug into his back. He wondered what color it was, along with the small, oval-shaped table that he rested his arms on.  
  
"Want a pastry?" Jacob asked, already getting up to fetch one, leaving Newt alone again. Newt couldn't taste much when he ate, still feeling numb from the trauma. Nothing sparked a joyful feeling in him anymore, always a feeling of wanting to give up.  
  
"Thank you," he whispered, Jacob setting the pastry into his open palms.  
  
"It's shaped like----"  
  
"An Ocamy," Newt finished his sentence for him, running his hand along it.  
  
"Correct! That's pretty impressive. What do you think you're gonna do about your beasts?"  
  
"I'm keeping them. I love them, I can't just ship them off or release them into the wild when I'm still perfectly fine. I can care for them, I just need to memorize the layout a bit more. Tina is helping me until then."  
  
Jacob had to return to work, explaining to Newt that Tina was talking to Queenie in the back and he would see what was holding her back. Another person was standing across from Newt now, and he squirmed in his seat, praying that his anxiousness wasn't visible to them.  
  
"Jacob?"  
  
"What's wrong, mister?" He could tell by the innocence of the sweet voice that it was a young girl, most likely around toddler age.  
  
"I'm great, d-don't worry about me. Is your mother in here?"  
  
"You keep lookin' at the floor, even when that baker was over here talkin' to you. My mommy said that means someone is sad. She also said that you're supposed to help sad people. Why you so sad, mister?"  
  
"I'm not..."  
  
"I'm sorry, I got----" Tina seemed to notice the girl, and Newt could practically see her bend down to get on her eye level. His eyes flicked up as if he subconsciously believed that he could truly see her. "Oh, who is this? Are you lost, honey?"  
  
The girl was silent, and Newt was confused until he heard her violent sobbing.   
  
"Hey, don't cry," Tina said, awkwardly crouching closer to her. "What's the matter?"  
  
"Wh-what happened to him? H-His eyes...he's scary. Like a m-monster...so pale..."  
  
Newt slid on his glasses, deciding that he was never going to show himself as long as he lived.  
  
~  
  
Newt didn't say a word to Tina, even when she tried to coax him out of his case. He only emerged to have dinner with them, finding avoiding them and being rude unfitting, even if he was wallowing.  


"What's going on with him? He seems so different recently, I'm worried that he won't get better. He's taking this all so hard, he never talks to you anymore," Queenie sighed in exasperation, her brow furrowed.  
  
"I don't know, he just needs time. Going completely blind overnight is kind of a big deal," Tina said, placing silverware on three table mats. "He's upset now because some little girl at the bakery cried when she saw his eyes. Called him a monster and scary...he was nearly in tears when we came home." They both heard footsteps, slow and cautious.  
  
"Do you guys need any help? I can...try."  
  
"No need, honey. Were all done, come sit," Queenie pulled back his chair for him and he mumbled a thanks.  
  
He couldn't smell what they were having, but he assumed the usual dessert and dinner combo. No one was moving on either side of the table, and he froze. Was he doing something wrong? He couldn't physically see himself, what if he had gotten more scary since the bakery? His heart beat quickened as he awaited a voice.  
  
"Newt? Why don't you take off the glasses? You don't need them indoors?" Tina asked.   
  
"No," he said, sounding more harsh than he'd meant to be.   
  
"You're not scary, Newt. You look fine, I promise."

"I don't believe you."

"You will never look anything less than perfect. Ever."  
  
"I don't believe you, I can't even see your face to tell if you're lying or not! I hate this, I hate everything so much! Every day is such a hell for me, it's never going to get better! I'm tired of this!" He cried, his voice cracking as he raised it then dropped it back low to convey a tainted, grieving soul. "I'm just...s-so tired..."  
  
"Newt..."  
  
"I need to be a-alone," he got up, running his hand along the wall to the bedroom where his case lay propped against his bed. He descended into it, curling into a ball at the first chance he got, his entire body tense from the stress of pretending that everything was okay, and the constant anxiety of the darkness.    
  
Tina came down after him, kneeling beside him as he trembled. She wordlessly slid off his glasses, a single tear sliding down his cheek. "You're okay, baby. I'm here, Tina's here. Let it out, you don't have to be scared anymore. You don't have to worry about your beasts, we can figure out something. You'll learn how to get around as time goes on."  
  
"I-It's not that. It's you, I can't see you. It hurts so much knowing that you're right by my side, but I can't even have the luxury of seeing you. I miss see your beautiful face, I miss seeing your lips say my name every day. Little things that I took for granted, like the way you dressed, and your hair...I miss you so much. You're the love of my life, and this is awful. I never thought that I would never be able to cherish your beauty and watch you laugh and see your perfect smile ever again when I was struck that day. I wish that I could go back in time and and stare at your forever." He was crying now, covering his face with his arm.  
  
"Shhhh, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she wrapped her arms around him and he gave into her as he sobbed into her shoulder. "You know that no matter how damaged you are, you'll always be my baby, right? I still love you more than I'll ever love anything, I won't stop loving you."  
  
"Tina..." He pulled back and reached out to her. She grabbed it, placing it on her cheek just as a tear spilled onto his hand.  
  
"Don't cry."  
  
"You're crying. I can't help that seeing you like this makes me sad," she smiled sorrowfully, resting her hand over his as it pressed against her cheek. He moved his  fingers gently along her face, and she held her breath as he felt her neck, moving down to the wrinkles on her dress shirt until her found her hand that rested close to him. He held her hand in his, squeezing it softly. "Beautiful."  
  
More tears slid down her cheeks, and she wiped them away before he noticed.   
"I'm here, I can help you beat this. Tell me what you need."  
  
"Hold me. It's the only way that I can tel that you're really there," he whispered hoarsely, his cold gaze on the floor as he shook with each second of feeling alone without her warmth. She didn't wait for a second plea, she held him that night.  
  
 She knew that in a sense a part of him died in that alleyway, but the end of that era lead to another of pain and misery, but also happiness. She held him every night that he had a nightmare that lead to him screaming in the middle of the night, or when the darkness threatened to consume him.


End file.
